


A collection of smuts written because my friends are assholes and dared me to

by ToasterBath24



Category: Original Work
Genre: Biting, Casandra/Fork, Forks, Masturbation, Original Character(s), Other, Samson/Washing Machine, Smut, Strange kinks, Swearing, Unrealistic Sex, Washing Machines, Zombie AU, Zombie Apocalypse, im so so sorry for writing this, its light tho, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28887999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToasterBath24/pseuds/ToasterBath24
Summary: This is nasty and strange smut.No really this is nasty





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is crossposted on my wattpad 
> 
> This is really weird and I’m sorry for writing this so please drop a comment!

Samson was a normal guy. A little on the small, but his lack of muscles and short stature had never bothered him. Samson was the kind of guy who led a normal life. He was unremarkable, really. Nothing but a guy with brown hair, brown eyes, and a crippling addiction to washing machine porn. 

Sounds strange, right? Well, it all started when the brunette stumbled upon the "Help step-bro, I'm stuck," trope. Hot girls stuck in various compromising positions? Yes please. Samson began to notice that he had a particular attraction to the girls who got stuck in washing machines. In no time at all, the man could only get off to porn with washing machines in them. And so began his search to see if Rule 34 was true. If it's on the internet, it's got porn, right?

Fortunately, Samson found some artists that catered to his kink and was able to get some nice artwork of either himself or random girls getting fucked by the appliance. But it wasn't enough. He needed more.

Which led to the brunette getting a washing machine for his apartment. This would actually help the young man in various ways. For instance, now he didn't have to worry about getting a boner at the laundromats. 

It took him a while to save up the money, but by cutting a lot of unnecessary expenses out of his life like soap and most foodstuffs, Samson finally gathered all his money. He got a machine from eBay, one of the newer ones that he could easily crawl into. Today was the day! 

He set his baby up and made sure everything was ready. He had his will completed in case things were to go south and a pair of swimming goggles for his eyes. 

He folded himself into the machine, erection growing. His dick was at half-mast, a nice 5 inches, and counting. The brunette was about 7 when hard. With one last glance at the world, he shut the hatch behind him. Yes, it was a tight fit but it was worth it. He had it on warm wash and added plenty of detergent. 

As he started to swirl, Samson let out a loud moan. God, it feels soooo good!

"Uhh, oh god, this is, ooh yes, amazing!"

Suddenly there was a burning in his urethra. Oh no! Soap must have gotten in! 

From there, things only got better. The burning was soooo nice! 

"Ohh, yes, yes yes! More daddy machine more! Ughh, I'm cumming!"  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days later, Samson was discovered dead in his washing machine, covered in jizz.


	2. Fork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forks. 
> 
> a treat for the inauguration.....
> 
> WARNING: there's a mention of suicide in this, it's not very graphic and is only there for like 3 sentences. There's also cussing. and zombies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well well well here I am 
> 
> I was going to post this tmrw but I decided hey, let me scare y’all a little more!

If you told Cassandra a year ago that she'd be fucking herself with a fork in a public bathroom, during a zombie apocalypse, she'd call you crazy. 

Well, it's been a year and here she is, pounding into her coochie with 8 or 9 metal forks held together with a rubber band. After zombies had begun to run loose in February 2021 things had only gotten worse. Zombies had consumed most of the America, if not the world. 

You could tell when you were but by your hair changing color. This was what tipped Cassandra off, as her dyed green hair began to change into short white locks. The 17-year-old was on the run from the hordes and had been traveling with another person, Riley, but they'd died in the Waffle House incident. 

And so the formerly green haired girl was on her own. She had driven the Prius Riley and her had found far away as possible, until she stopped for the night. 

Cassandra had pulled over to the side of the highway with her butchers knife and go-bag right next to her. What could go wrong? 

Well a fucking lot apparently. Some idiot had decided that screaming before shooting himself on the highway had been a good idea. Zombies were attracted to noise just like they were in every popular movie. 

The scraggly looking creatures had been summoned like one summons a demon at a sleepover: fast and chaotic. 

They devoured the dead guys hair and fingers first, before moving onto his limbs and torso. The was the one thing that had caught most scientists by surprise. Zombies didn't eat heads. 

By that time I was awake and ready to hightail it out of there. But what could I do? The car would attract to much noise and they're too close. I could wait them out? 

But whatever god is out there decided to fuck me over. The horde turned to me as I shifted in my seat? What the fuck man? That was barely any noise! Well, no choice now. 

I turned the keys and out my foot down, speeding forward. Time to play everyone's favorite game: hit the zombie, dodge the cars! 

I just had to make it a little farther down the highway until I could turn off and run into a building. 

Continuing down the road, while choosing to ignore the shrieking crowd of zombies chasing me, I looked for exits. Anything would do. A Walmart. A gas station. A goddamn Panera. 

That was when I saw what I thought would be my salvation. There it was, up ahead. A 7/11 gas station. 

Never have I ever been so happy to see a gas station.

Turning off the road, I stopped as soon as I was in the parking lot. Someone had followed the common law of bathroom courtesy and left the keys to the bathroom in the door. People had started doing this when the apocalypse got worse. If you had nothing else, might as well be kind and leave the keys to a bathroom there, thought Cassandra. 

I was gonna make it! 

I reached out towards the door handle and scrambled for the keys, fumbling to get them. And then I did it. 

I dropped the keys. I dropped the fucking keys.

This was my fatal mistake. 

One of the faster zombies caught up with me just before I picked the keys up and jammed them in. 

"Fuck!" I yelled, before slamming the door behind me. 

Okay. Okay. I have 14 minutes max, and I was horny. So what if I had a biting fetish. That wasn't the issue here! 

What could I even masturbate with in a 7/11 bathroom! I scanned the room trying to find something to shove up my pussy. 

There was a soap bottle, but that was a strange shape and I had no lube. There was a plunger, some toilet paper, a marker, a bundle of forks- wait what.

I mean, they didn't look dirty? Why not, I thought. 

I pulled down my pants and grimy underwear before plopping down on the floor. My pussy was already wet so I figured fuck it. You get desperate when you're dying. 

"Holy shitttt," I mumbled. This was the first thing I'd had in me in months. 

I pumped the the bundle of forks in and out of me, savoring the last penetration I'd get. Holy fuck, that zombie bite on my arm was hot. 

I was close, so close! I was moaning shamelessly. Who could here me, am I right?

My hair was almost entirely white and I could feel myself beginning to turn. 

"No! I want to cum first! Let me have my release!" 

But alas, I had been turned.


End file.
